What to expect for your child

This section covers common reactions your child may have after a traumatic event and what psychological recovery can look like.

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What counts as a traumatic event?

It can be a difficult time when your child has had a frightening experience. These experiences can include a range of different events, including: 

  • Car/motor accidents 

  • Assault 

  • Abuse 

  • Other serious accidents (e.g., sporting accidents, falls, burns) 

  • Witnessing violence 

  • Natural disaster 

  • Rape or sexual assault 

  • Other very frightening experiences 

Whether or not your child was physically hurt isn’t that important to how traumatic an event is - even if your child was not injured, they may still be affected psychologically, and even children who are badly injured can be absolutely fine otherwise.

What to look out for in your child

A trauma may affect your child in several ways, and children can experience symptoms differently. The key thing to look out for is any new feelings or behaviours after the event, or any new triggers for example, going outside, sitting in the car.  

How they react can depend on a number of factors including their age, personality and life experiences so far. 

They may: 

  • Be easily upset or angry. 

  • Feeling worried, scared or unsafe. 

  • Feeling jumpy. 

  • Feeling confused. 

  • Be irritable or uncooperative. 

  • Feeling empty, numb, or appearing 'zoned out'. 

  • Have nightmares (either specific to the event or more general). 

  • Have difficulty sleeping.  

  • Repeatedly talk about the event.  

  • Not wanting to go to school or go back to usual activities. 

  • Have bad memories of the event.  

  • Try to avoid things that remind them of the trauma for example, not wanting to go where the event took place or to talk about it 

  • Physical symptoms, for example stomach aches, headaches, appetite changes, or rashes.  

These symptoms may be present at home or at school - it may be helpful to ask their teacher if they have noticed any changes in their behaviour. 

The important thing to remember is that these symptoms are completely normal after experiencing something frightening. 

You may also find that you are feeling some of these symptoms yourself. It is normal to experience worries, low mood, or physical symptoms if you witnessed or learned of something happening to someone.

How long should I wait before seeking extra help?

The usual advice is to ‘wait and see’ for around four to six weeks. However, if your child is very upset and their symptoms are having a big impact on their daily life, for example, going to school or day-to-day activities, consider seeking advice from your GP sooner.

It may be time to seek professional support if: 

  • Your child’s symptoms are not improving, or symptoms are getting more difficult after around six weeks.  

  • Your child is doing worse or is avoiding school completely.  

  • There is increasing pressure on the family.  

  • Your child is continuing to experience frightening memories, nightmares, or flashbacks.  

  • Your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts. 

  • Your child’s avoidance of things reminding them of the event is increasing. 

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Will my child ever go back to their usual self?

The important thing to remember is that these reactions are likely to improve with time and support. The best thing you can do is to be patient and provide a safe and nurturing environment for both you and your child.  

The good news is that for most children these effects are short term. 

If your child is not back to their usual self after a month, and is struggling to cope, they may need professional support. There is good evidence that, with extra support, children can recover well. 

Does my child’s age matter?

Yes. The changes in your child's behaviour following a trauma often depend on their age. 

Younger children 

Your child may: 

  • Be more clingy than before. 

  • Wet the bed. 

  • Act younger than they did before. 

  • Talk less than before or not talk at all. 

  • Act out what happened in play - for example, banging toy cars together to recreate a car crash. 

Older children and teens  

Your child may: 

  • Have problems sleeping.  

  • Have problems eating.  

  • Have trouble concentrating.  

  • Complain of headaches, a sore stomach, or other minor illnesses.  

  • Not want to do things they did before, for example, spending time with friends.

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What should I do if I’m not sure my child is getting any better? 

Speak to your child. Ask how they feel they are coping after their trauma, and if they would like some extra help.

Let them know that it is normal to feel difficult emotions or thoughts after going through something scary. It is important not to force your child to talk.

Let them know that you are there if they wish to talk about what happened or about anything they may be struggling with.

Activities

These are activities that you can complete with your child to help take notice of their feelings. The aim is to be aware of what your child may be experiencing, normalise what they may be feeling, and to understand that with support and patience, their difficult feelings are likely to pass. 

You can do either or both of these activities with your child if they feel ready to engage. If they don’t feel ready, that is totally fine – let them know that the opportunity to talk and work through things will be there when they are ready. 

Noticing feelings (or 'symptom monitoring') is a technique used in CBT. It can be a helpful way to:  

  • Be more aware of your child’s symptoms. 

  • Know what triggers them. 

  • Identify areas which they may need some support in. 

It can also be helpful to monitor progress. Some parents may think that their child is regressing or not getting better, but after looking back at written records they realise otherwise. 

It may also be helpful to start being aware of things that help with difficult feelings/behaviours. This can form an ‘emotional toolkit’ which you can add to as you use this resource. 

Try to complete this regularly over the next few days.  

Noticing Feelings Noticing feelings (blank version to fill in)

A safety plan can become a ‘go-to’ resource where you can: 

  • Be aware of things which may signal that your child has symptoms coming on (e.g., starting to feel shaky, ‘zoned out’ or clingy). 

  • Note what and who can help. 

  • Note contact details for emergency services. These could be your GP, local mental health services or other professionals. 

Click on the image below to see an example and to download a blank safety plan. Over time, you may want to add to or amend your safety plan. It may also be helpful for your child to keep a copy at school.  

Safety Plan

Learn more about supporting a child recovering from a traumatic event Next resource: Managing difficult feelings

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