Supporting a child with an eating problem

Guidance for Parents and Carers

If you are worried that your child may be struggling with food, eating, weight or body image, it can feel frightening and difficult to know what to do next. You might have noticed small changes in their mood, behaviour or eating habits, or your child may already have been diagnosed with an eating disorder.

It’s very common for parents to worry about younger children who might appear to be ‘fussy’ or ‘faddy’ around food. This can lead to mealtimes being very tense. A good idea is to look at what they are eating over the week and if they are growing and gaining weight, as you would expect, then this is a good indicator that they are eating a sufficient amount and variety for their age and needs.

This page is here to help you spot early warning signs, understand what these changes might mean, better understand eating disorders, and find practical ways to support your child while also looking after yourself. You are not expected to have all the answers or to manage this alone. With the right help, eating problems and eating disorders can be treated, and recovery is possible. Noticing issues with food and offering support early, can really make a difference, for the young person and their family.

If you would find it helpful to have some practical tips in one place, then you can download this booklet as a pdf or order a hard copy, for you to refer back to.

Download as PDF Order a copy

Spotting the early warning signs of an eating problem

Early warning signs of an eating problem can be subtle, and you may notice changes before your child is able to explain what is happening. These changes might show up in their mood, behaviour, eating habits, confidence, concentration, clothing or relationships. You might spot some of the following: 

  • Withdrawing from friends, family or usual activities, or becoming more socially isolated.

  • Avoiding eating with others, making excuses to miss meals, or becoming anxious around mealtimes.

  • Changes in mood or character, such as increased irritability, anxiety, low confidence or low self-esteem.

  • Difficulty concentrating, tiredness, or seeming less able to manage school, college or everyday tasks.

  • Becoming more obsessive, rigid or perfectionistic, including setting unreasonably high personal standards, especially around diet or exercise.

  • Noticeable changes in weight, including weight loss, weight gain or fluctuating weight, or failure to grow as you would expect. 

  • Changes in clothing, such as wearing baggy clothes or trying to hide their body shape.

  • Signs of self-harm or talk of not wanting to be here, which should always be taken seriously and responded to urgently.

Not every change means your child has an eating disorder, however, if several signs appear together, continue over time, or begin to affect your child's everyday life, it is important to take them seriously and seek support.

Understanding what these signs might mean

Some changes in eating or behaviour may be described as disordered eating, while others may be part of an eating disorder. The difference is not always easy to spot, and parents and carers are not expected to diagnose this themselves. What matters most is noticing changes early, trusting your instincts, and getting advice if you are worried.

What is the difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating?

Disordered eating describes patterns of eating that may be irregular or concerning, such as eating in response to stress or difficult emotions rather than hunger, avoiding major food groups, only eating certain foods, or occasionally restricting calories, bingeing or purging. A diagnosable eating disorder, however, may be more serious and persistent, often involving obsessive thoughts about food, calories, shape or weight, significant changes in weight, and behaviours such as calorie counting, bingeing, purging or excessive exercise that begin to affect day-to-day life and wellbeing. While disordered eating can sometimes be limited or occasional, it can still be distressing and may develop into an eating disorder, so it is important to seek advice if you are worried about your child’s eating, weight, mood or behaviour.

What is an eating disorder?

An eating disorder is a serious mental health condition that affects a person’s relationship with food, eating, weight or body shape. It is often not just about food, and can be linked to difficult feelings, worries, or a need to feel more in control. Eating disorders can involve eating too little or too much, feeling unable to stop eating, avoiding certain foods, making strict rules around food, purging, or exercising excessively. They can affect a child or young person’s physical health, mood, relationships, learning and day-to-day life, and with the right support and treatment, recovery is possible.

Nine truths about eating disorders

It can be difficult to understand why people develop an eating disorder. Although we don’t fully understand what causes them, there can be biological, metabolic, genetic, psychological, behavioural and social-cultural factors.

We do know that eating disorders are often about feelings which can adversely affect food intake. They may also be a way of coping with feeling out of control.

  1. Many people with eating disorders look healthy yet may be extremely ill.

  2. Families are not to blame and can be the person with an eating disorder's best support in treatment.

  3. An eating disorder diagnosis disrupts personal and family functioning and wellbeing.

  4. Eating disorders are not choices, they are serious biologically influenced illnesses.

  5. Eating disorders don’t discriminate. They can affect people of all genders, ages, races, ethnicities, body shapes and weights, sexual orientations and socioeconomic status.

  6. Eating disorders carry an increased risk for both suicide and medical complications.

  7. Genes and environment play important roles in the development of eating disorders.

  8. Genes alone do not predict who will develop eating disorders.

  9. Full recovery from an eating disorder is possible. Early detection and intervention are important.

What are the main types of eating disorders?

Below we've listed some of the most common diagnosable eating disorders, with their typical characteristics (although these may vary slightly). If your child has a difficult relationship with food and exhibits some of these signs or others that are concerning, please consult your GP.

Anorexia is a serious mental health condition in which the individual is likely to limit how much they eat or drink. There are often strict “rules” that are created around eating and drinking, and often there is a preoccupation with avoiding weight gain and a distorted sense of body image. Often individuals with anorexia will compulsively exercise, or they may purge via vomiting, laxatives or diuretics. This condition affects people of all genders, ages, races, and ethnicities. While anorexia is typically characterised by severe weight loss, some people may be experiencing the same symptoms although they are not underweight. This is known as atypical anorexia.

ARFID is a condition in which an individual avoids certain types of food. This can be due to a number of reasons, including sensory issues with specific foods, fear and anxiety of what might happen when eating (e.g. choking or vomiting), or a low interest in eating. ARFID can co-occur with other conditions, for example anxiety disorders, and is common in people with neurodivergence. ARFID becomes diagnosable when a person’s food avoidance or restriction leads to significant weight loss, nutritional deficiency or marked impact on their quality of life.

People who have bulimia go through periods where they restrict their food intake, they can then binge - eating a lot of food in a very short amount of time. Often eating foods that they would avoid when restricting, such as carbohydrates, fat, and sugar. They then purge, by making themselves sick, use laxatives or diuretics, excessive exercising, or a combination of these, to try to stop themselves gaining weight.

Binge eating is when people eat very large amounts of food while feeling like they are not in control of what they are doing. It can affect people of all ages and backgrounds. Unlike people with bulimia, they do not purge after binge eating episodes, although they may fast between binges. Binge eating episodes are very distressing, and people often find it very difficult to stop eating, even if they want to.

This diagnosis is used when the person does not meet the specific diagnostic criteria for the other eating disorders listed above. Due to the severity of their symptoms, they still need specialist support.

The impact of eating disorders

Eating disorders can have a significant impact on day-to-day life – both for the person with the eating disorder and for their parents, carers, siblings and other family members.

If your loved one is not eating properly, this can have a physical impact upon their brain. Their memory, concentration and ability to process things can be affected by the impact of starvation on the brain. Irregular eating patterns can have a similar effect on the brain.

Eating disorders can have a significant impact, both physically and psychologically. If physical risk is a concern, medical monitoring is essential, please seek medical help immediately via your GP, Emergency Department, or call 111. Trust your instincts as a parent or carer and act on them.

When to act urgently

You should have your loved one assessed urgently if they show any of the following:

  • Very low weight: percentage median Body Mass Index less than 70% (approx. below 0.4th BMI centile). Check with a GP or eating disorders service for an accurate measurement.

  • Recent loss of 1kg or more for two consecutive weeks in an undernourished person.

  • Rapid weight loss in someone of any weight.

  • Little or no nutrition for over five days.

  • Acute food refusal or less than 500kcals a day for more than two days.

  • Physical struggles with carers over nutrition.

  • Fluid refusal or signs of dehydration.

  • Heart rate below 40 beats per minute.

  • Core temperature below 35 C.

  • Excessive exercise (more than two hours a day).

  • Daily purging.

  • Self-harm.

  • Thoughts of suicide and/or intent to act on these thoughts.

Practical ideas for supporting your child

Helping your child to recognise that they may have an eating disorder can be difficult, often, the young person is fiercely resistant to any suggestion that they might have an eating disorder. If you calmly notice the signs you are seeing without pressure or judgement, they are more likely to trust you and then be able to open up about how things are for them right now. Your child may not want to tell anyone about their eating difficulties as they may feel that they are not serious enough. They may be feeling guilty, embarrassed or ashamed. Acknowledge and validate their concerns, take them seriously, and discuss how you can help them right now.

Try to find a time and space in which your child is less anxious. Acknowledge how difficult it can be to talk about things like this. Then, you could ask them: “Can I talk to you about somethings I have noticed?” If they are totally resistant, you might want to pause and engage them in talking about things they enjoy. When they are calmer, gently revisit – the key is to build trust. If they are able to talk, try to acknowledge how brave they have been in talking and how difficult it seems for them right now. Reassure them that together you will get through this.

Even when we don’t understand our loved one’s behaviours or emotional responses, it is so important to acknowledge how they are feeling, as that is their reality. “What you’re going through right now sounds really tough, I can understand why you might be feeling...”(use their words to reflect this back). Try not to ‘fix’ the issues, just validate their feelings. 

  • It’s likely that you will proceed at a much slower pace

  • Take into account sensory sensitivities – including hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity

  • Help them to explore what their coping strategies / eating disorder behaviours are – this isn’t easy and may take time to navigate and understand

  • The need for routine maybe very important

  • Be flexible around meal- planning and choices of food

  • Always have a back-up – safe food, if the food presented is too difficult

  • Explore eating in social settings in a way your loved one can tolerate

  • Explore different ways of communication such as visual prompts and other communication tools

  • Click here to see our upcoming topical workshops

  • Click here to view the Peace Pathway website - a Pathway for Eating disorders and Autism developed from Clinical Experience

Practical ideas for you

Remember, as well as ideas to support your child you should also think about how you can support yourself. If you’re exhausted, it can be really hard to care for your loved one.

Make sure you have your own ‘time out', even if this is for 5 minutes at a time, and find ways to relax, get out in the fresh air, or whatever works for you.

When friends or family offer help, try to accept this and this can be an opportunity to give them a specific task. Often people want to help however don’t know how, so have a list of jobs in mind that you can dish out to willing helpers. By looking after yourself, you are role modelling that self-care is very important and that there is more to life than the eating disorder. Often carers of loved ones with an eating disorder feel they always have to ‘get it right’. It’s really important to remember to be as compassionate to yourself as you would be to others. You’re not always going to say the right thing and sometimes all your strategies to keep calm will go out of the window. When things are calmer, go back and talk about what happened and think about what you could do if this happens again. When your loved one has an eating disorder you are balancing physical and emotional risk. If it is safe, patience is key to coming alongside your loved one and waiting for them to feel able to move forward. It is really important to reinforce positive things and experiences – look for those ‘green shoots,’ new growth or changes – this will also help you as a parent or carer to hold on to hope. 

A trusted friend or family member, or a local support group, or a call or message to a support line can help. Attend our New Maudsley Carers Skills Workshops. Talking openly and confidentially can help to feel less alone and more able to take those small steps. 

Try to remember that the battles your child experiences, and the successes they achieve in their recovery journey, may not be visible however they are still very real to them.

Golden guidelines for carers

  • Remember your loved one is not doing this on purpose.

  • Look after yourself first.

  • Remember that the eating disorder has a purpose – perhaps offering a sense of control, safety or identity.

  • Try not to focus all your attention on the eating disorder behaviours.

  • Don’t try to ‘fix’ your loved one.

  • Support your loved one with patience and compassion.

Read more at New Maudsley Carers

Free skills workshops for parents and carers

We deliver fully funded workshops for parents and carers supporting a loved one with an eating disorder. The five-session course consists of two-hour workshops full of practical tips, real life scenarios. It is delivered by our trained facilitators.

The course is based on the New Maudsley Approach, which aims to lower anxiety and distress in family members. It gives carers communication tools, skills and techniques that help them engage their loved one to improve their self-esteem and develop the confidence to acknowledge and talk about the difficulties they may be facing.

Find a course

Looking for further help?

Here are some organisations which offer direct advice and support.

BEAT Eating Disorders
Online: beateatingdisorders.org.uk 
Information and support for anybody affected by eating disorders. Includes a support hub for carers with resources, learning and forums, plus peer support and online development. 

First Steps 
Online: firststepsed.co.uk 
Wide range of support services for children and their families, young people and adults affected by eating difficulties and disorders, including befriending services. 

Hub of Hope
Online: hubofhope.co.uk 
A comprehensive directory of mental health support and services local to you based on your postcode. 

PLACE Network
Online: charliewaller.org/place-parent-support 
A network of local projects and groups who are either interested in or are offering peer support for parents and carers. 
 
Samaritans
Call: 116 123 
Online: samaritans.org 
Confidential and emotional support 24/7 if you’re having a difficult time or worried about someone else. Self-help app and webchat available via website. 

YoungMinds Parent Helpline
CalL: 0808 802 5544 
Online: youngminds.org.uk 
Parents helpful support with detailed advice, emotional support and signposting about a child or young person up to the age of 25. 

Further resources for parents and carers

Family Mental Wealth 
Online: familymentalwealth.com  
Parent/carer toolkit with short videos to help support children’s mental health, along with resources for schools which help students spot the signs of an eating problem.  
 
New Maudsley Carers
Online: newmaudsleycarers-kent.co.uk  
Practical tips and resources including worksheets, videos and podcasts.  
 
PEACE (Pathway for Eating disorders and Autism developed from Clinical Experience)
Online: peacepathway.org  
Articles and downloadable resources for autistic people with eating disorders. Supporting a child with an eating problem.
 
Recommended Books
Skills based learning for caring for a loved one with an eating disorder: The New Maudsley Method. Treasure, J., Smith, G., & Crane, A. (2016).  
Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder: The New Maudsley Skills Based Training Manual. Langley, J., Todd, G., & Treasure, J. (2019).  
 
How to help someone with an eating disorder – A practical Handbook. Pam Macdonald (2021).  
 
Getting better bite by bite: A survival kit for sufferers of bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorders. Treasure, J., Schmidt, U., (2015). 
 
Supporting Autistic People with Eating Disorders: A guide to adapting treatment and supporting recovery. Tchanturia, K. (2021) 

It can be difficult to understand why people develop an eating disorder. Although we don’t fully understand what causes them, there can be biological, genetic, psychological, behavioural and social-cultural factors.

Date of posting: 15 October 2026

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