Managing difficult feelings during Covid and beyond

Given their role working on the front line, we know a lot of practice nurses report feelings of guilt and helplessness associated with their role, exacerbated by the Covid pandemic. Many of us are experiencing similar feelings, brought on by such a prolonged period of distress, fear and uncertainty.

The four actions we recommend to manage and regulate those feelings (at any time, not just in the aftermath of the pandemic) are to practice self-compassion and self-care, to share with others and to celebrate achievements.

Self-compassion is an active and effective way to calm our systems down and regulate overwhelming or distressing feelings, so that we can cope with them more effectively. 

When we practice self-compassion, we notice the harsh way that we speak to ourselves when we feel we have made a mistake, done something wrong or are just feeling down or anxious.  We often talk to ourselves in a way we wouldn’t dream of talking to other people.

When we beat ourselves up, it makes things worse as it just exacerbates the horrible feelings.  When we learn to change those messages by practicing self-compassion, we can reverse them by engaging the part of the brain that will release feel-good hormones that will actually calm us down.  We can then deal better with the feelings.

It’s not about pretending things are OK when they aren’t. It’s accepting that this might be a really difficult time and you’re suffering or struggling but that you need to be good to yourself in those moments.

This may mean taking time to do this – it may not come automatically. You might have to pause to do it properly.

Touch is also important – feel the warmth of your hand on your arm or your face and you can feel it calming your system down.

Looking after ourselves, both mentally and physically, is really important at the best of times. As healthcare professionals, we’re really good at telling other people what to do but perhaps not so good at taking our own advice.

If we’re already feeling low, depressed, anxious, stressed or grieving, we’re much more vulnerable to unwelcome feelings such as guilt, helplessness, anger and despair.  We don’t have the inner resources or resilience to fight them or get them into perspective.

If you’re starting to have thoughts and feelings which are hard to shift, it may be a warning sign that you do really need to attend to your mental health. 

You can end up in a vicious cycle, as the less you look after yourself, the more vulnerable you are to developing those feeling and the more you have those feelings, the less you’re able to look after yourself - especially if your sleep is being affected. It’s hard to look after others if you’re drained yourself.

So, it’s very important to pay extra attention to looking after your wellbeing. It’s good to experiment with self-care and find something that works for you and then keep doing it. Try to avoid looking at too many depressing news websites or social media. If you do use social media, remember it works on algorithms, so if you actively look at images that cheer you up and inspire you, the more will come your way, and the opposite is also true. Our brain chemistry changes when we look at things that make us feel good.

We all know the old saying, a problem shared is a problem halved.  This is now backed by research and neuroscience. We instinctively know this – people have turned to others for help since time began. Often just talking about how we’re feeling with someone else can make us feel so much better. It can give us perspective and validate that we’re doing OK.

Taking the risk and sharing how you’re feeling can open the door to others also saying they’ve felt the same. All of a sudden, you don’t feel so alone or that there’s something wrong with you. Again, that can mysteriously make it all feel better.  

Sharing with others can create energy to make changes – like putting support structures in place.

One problem is that when we get really down, we’re likely to withdraw or isolate ourselves or think we need to put on a brave face so nobody can guess how we’re feeling. Or we might be ashamed that we’re having these feelings. All the more reason to reach out to others and ask people how they’re feeling. If someone reaches out to you, do try not to brush them off – it might really help to talk things through with them.  

Celebrating our achievements is important. It fits in with self-compassion in that we’re often very good at encouraging others but we neglect to do this for ourselves. However, if we don’t give weight to what we’re doing well, how much difference we’re making to people’s lives, how much we’re valued and appreciated, we get a very skewed picture.  If we only focus on what we’re not achieving or the bits we don’t feel are going so well, we’re not getting the full picture. This will contribute to feeling helpless and guilty that you’re not doing enough when the truth is you’re probably doing plenty.

Think about what we can and can’t control – if it’s something beyond our control, it becomes completely exhausting trying to control it. Look at what we can control or change and focus our energies on that.

This is also where sharing comes in – we might need help from others to celebrate our achievements.  Make sure you and your colleagues give each other good feedback, compliments and express gratitude.  You could do it individually or as a team.  This might help you feel more supported, encouraged and valued.

There is a lot of evidence about the importance of team resilience and working together to support each other. Encouraging colleagues when they’re down and vice versa will help you in the difficult times.