How to stop comparing yourself to others

• Understanding who you compare yourself to, and how frequently, will help you to realise how often you engage in this sort of thinking and what triggers it.
  
  
• Try this question: who have you compared yourself to in the last 24 hours?
  
  
• Think of the last time you checked your Facebook, LinkedIn or Instagram feed. Which updates made you feel envious or made you feel as if your life paled in comparison?
  
  
• Have you ever looked at someone else’s success and thought you weren’t doing enough because you haven’t reached their level of success?
  
  
• Once you know what causes these thoughts, you can work on practicing positive thinking and self-acceptance.

• Remind yourself that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Accept that other people might have certain strengths, but that you are probably only seeing part of the picture. This means you are holding yourself up against an unachievable standard.
  
  
• You should also focus on your own strengths and accomplishments. This can be hard at first but our positivity tips below provide a useful framework.
  
  
• Accept where you are, and move on at your own pace. Don’t try to live some ideal of what you “should be.” Remember, changing habits takes some time, so do not be hard on yourself if you find it hard to stay positive.

• Ultimately, the best way to avoid comparative thinking is to accept yourself. When you catch yourself thinking about someone else, try to focus on your own positives instead.
  
  
  • For example, you might see that someone else has just got an offer on a graduate scheme. Try to think instead about something you were proud of in the past like some positive feedback from a tutor. Make a list of things you are proud of that you can refer to in these moments.
    
    
• Persevere. Comparative thinking is something which you have been conditioned to do through your entire education and into the workplace. It takes time, but also real effort to change.
  
  
• Look back and take stock. As you continue to practise self-acceptance take note of when you start feeling better when you compare yourself to others.

It might sound like a cliché, but if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

We do not learn from our mistakes by beating ourselves into submission. Instead you should show yourself kindness, love, and understanding.

When you negatively compare yourself to others, try to treat yourself like you would a close friend or family member.

One framework for positive thinking is to write a positivity journal. Below are some ideas to include:

1. Write down three things you are grateful for today – no matter how big or small.
   
   
2. Write down a nice thing someone has done for you this week.
   
   
3. Write down something nice you have done for someone else, or something nice you could do.
   
   
4. Write down three of your worries, then follow up with three actions you could take to resolve them.
   
   
5. Think about the people who inspire you and why. Create a mind map.
   
   
6. Think about the best day you’ve had recently and write down why you loved it.
   
   
7. Think about one thing you’ve always wanted to do.
   
   
8. Complete this self-care statement: Today I give myself permission to…
   
   
9. What does your ideal morning look like?
   
   
10. Name something you’re excited about or looking forward to in the coming months.

Remember to persevere and keep at it, even if some days you can only manage a small entry. This will also help you when you come to look back and take stock of your progress.