Men and mental health

Having the confidence to come forward and seek help can be tough for men and boys. Men have a tendency to leave it until they are much further down the line than women before speaking up when they’re struggling; often, it’s not until the point at which they feel they have no other choice than to seek help - by this stage they may feel desperate, suicidal or have turned to drugs, alcohol, violent behaviour or having frequent shifts in their mood. Men may start to notice that their behaviours are different but may not necessarily realise that they feel different: disconnection is quite common when it comes to male mental health, and often men and boys seek help when they feel ‘up against it’ and don’t know what else to do.

Men are more likely to accept mental health support because a particular service or pathway has been recommended to them - men won’t necessarily seek out mental health services themselves, and some service providers do not currently use language that appeals to male audiences. In our society, men aren’t typically brought up to talk about growth, support, caring, talking and sharing: we should be - after all, these are essential elements to building and maintaining positive mental health - but we don’t talk to boys anywhere near enough in this way - or, at least, we haven’t in the past. This is beginning to change.

To give a personal example, a group session for men struggling with anxiety attracted no attendees when it first ran - but when it was repositioned as ‘developing a toolkit for success’, it suddenly became so popular that it had a waiting list! We need to make sure we’re speaking in a language that resonates with men and boys when it comes to mental health. While this is a generalisation and doesn’t apply to all, men are much more likely than women to reach the point of desperation before seeking help - and will be more inclined to use a service that they feel will not judge them.

Institutions and organisations can play a vital role in raising awareness of positive mental health amongst male staff - and encouraging these male staff to openly help and support others. Men can be good role models if they are able to talk more freely and openly about mental health in a non-stigmatising way.

Men in institutions, especially in leadership positions, can help establish and promote a culture in which mental health is talked about openly, discussed positively and seen as equivalent in importance to our physical health - rather than presented in a deficit model. For boys, an awareness of good mental health can start in schools - where there are gyms, there should also be wellbeing sessions working in tandem alongside physical fitness.

How we position and situate mental health services is key, especially the language that’s used. ‘Mental health services’ shouldn’t always be about encountering problems and needing support in a crisis: these should focus just as much on coping better or reacting differently to situations and circumstances. Shifting the language makes a big difference: it’s the same fundamental service but suddenly its positioning feels more positive. Men and boys are generally much more likely to adopt a service that asks “do you want to cope differently?” rather than “are there times when you’re not coping?” - as acknowledging a problem can a big leap for many to take.

We need to be using positive language when we discuss mental health and emotions. This should be embedded in the school curriculum, to encourage boys to talk about mental wellbeing in as positive and inclusive a way as possible. Schools and universities have a big role to play in shifting the mental health conversation, as do organisations and institutions.

Mental health isn’t an ‘us and them’ thing: we all have mental health struggles. If we want to see our young people really grow, develop and thrive, we need to focus on mental health above all else.

Self-esteem, eating disorders and body image is a growing concern these days: more and more men seem to be struggling with low self-esteem and worried about their body shape, feeling inadequate or questioning their sense of being male. These are issues that women have had to deal with for many years, with lots of women’s lifestyle magazines and other media delivering images of what the ‘perfect women’ should look like; now six-pack muscle culture is being permeated by some publications and mainstream press outlets, and research is indicating that eating disorders and fitness and gym addictions are on the rise amongst men and boys: this is a tricky trap to escape for many males today.

Drug and alcohol use remains a long-standing issue amongst men; males are generally much more likely to internalise difficult feelings than women, and to drink their troubles away or anaesthetise themselves with drugs.

Porn seems to have become a much bigger issue for men in recent years: whether it’s porn addiction or excessive use of erotic materials leading to potential sexual partners becoming objectified, more and more men and boys are frightened of relationships because they don’t know how to behave, based on the modelling they have seen on screens. Porn can create distorted expectations of sexual relationships, can compound feelings of body image inadequacy and can increase concerns around sexual performance: real-world relational experience of sexual intimacy with another can become completely corrupted by these artificial notions.

The first step is to encourage men and boys to come through the door and ask for help - we need to positively reinforce and normalise the idea of seeking help if we are to encourage men to make the necessary changes to improve their situation and enjoyment of life.

Mental health support materials need to created and targeted in a way that appeals to male audiences: clearer communications, straight-to-the-point and less fluff. Deal, very early on, with the notion that there is anything weak about asking for help - it’s actually a statement of strength to notice something about yourself that you want to improve, and then take action to do just that.

Deliver a service that is pragmatic, honest, respectful and collaborative. Mental health support should be a partnership, working towards a clear goal: as mental health trainers and counsellors, we want to put ourselves out of a job! We want those that we help to reach a point where they no longer need our help, but to know that help will always be available if it’s ever required again.