This resource is based on the webinar Understanding and Managing Anxiety in Under 12s delivered by Lisa Thomson, Clinical Lead at the Charlie Waller Trust.
Anxiety is a normal part of life, and all children experience worries from time to time. However, when anxiety becomes persistent or overwhelming, or begins to interfere with everyday life, children may need additional support from the adults around them.
This resource explores how to recognise anxiety in children under 12 and shares practical, evidence-based strategies that parents, carers and professionals can use to help. It is based on parent-led Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), an evidence-based approach that explores the links between thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It focuses on understanding anxiety, recognising common signs, and supporting children to develop confidence and resilience over time.
Supporting an anxious child can feel challenging, particularly when every instinct tells us to protect them from distress. This webinar offers a different perspective: helping children learn that, whilst anxiety can be uncomfortable, it is something they can understand, manage and overcome.
By combining compassion, curiosity and gradual encouragement, adults can help children build confidence in their ability to cope with life’s uncertainties.
Anxiety is the most common reported mental health difficulty experienced by primary-aged children.
Around five to ten percent of children aged under 12 meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder at any one time, with rates rising to approximately 15 to 20 percent when children experiencing significant anxiety symptoms are included (Children's Commissioner Annual Report 2024 - 2025).
That anxiety can take different forms, including separation anxiety, specific phobias, generalised anxiety and social anxiety. While some worries are a normal part of development, anxiety becomes more concerning when it is distressing, persistent, or affects a child's daily life.
Children do not always show anxiety by talking about their worries. It is commonly shown through physical symptoms, behaviours (including behaviour that challenges) avoidance of some situations or showing distress in other ways.
Children may experience:
Tummy aches, headaches or feeling sick
Sleep difficulties
Restlessness or tension Increased clinginess
Irritability or anger
Frequent reassurance-seeking
Avoidance of situations they find difficult
Worrying about worst-case scenarios
For some children, particularly autistic children, anxiety may show up as refusal, withdrawal or emotional outbursts rather than verbal expressions of worry.
An important consideration is when a child's worries fall within the range of typical development and when they may suggest the presence of an anxiety disorder for which they might need additional support. Signs to look out for include:
The fear is out of proportion with the actual level of threat: children may perceive a level of danger that is much greater than the actual risk. This can lead to intense distress and attempts to avoid certain situations.
The worry continues even when the threat is absent: anxiety often persists beyond the situation itself. Children may continue anticipating danger long after a challenging event has passed.
The child struggles to return to a calm state: while everyone experiences moments of anxiety, most people gradually settle once a situation is over. Children experiencing significant anxiety may find it difficult to relax or feel safe again.
Anxiety limits everyday life: worry can become a problem when it stops a child doing things they would otherwise enjoy, such as attending school, spending time with friends, sleeping independently or trying new experiences.
Anxiety is often maintained by a cycle of fearful thoughts, emotions, physical symptoms and avoidance.
Two common patterns in anxious thinking are:
Overestimating the danger or threat.
Underestimating their ability to cope.
When children believe something bad will happen, their body responds as though they are in danger. They may feel tense, sick, shaky or distressed. To reduce those feelings, they often avoid the situation altogether. Although this brings short-term relief, it can reinforce the belief that the situation was dangerous and that they could not have coped with it.
Over time, avoidance can strengthen anxiety rather than reduce it.
Helping children challenge these assumptions is an important step towards building confidence.
Observe patterns in your child's worries, behaviours and physical symptoms.
Help your child identify what they think might happen and what they are predicting.
Use open, curious questions rather than providing immediate solutions.
Acknowledge and validate feelings without reinforcing fears.
Gradually reduce reassurance where it has become a frequent response.
Break feared situations into small, manageable steps.
Repeat each step until your child feels more comfortable before moving on.
Plan for setbacks and recognise that progress is rarely completely straightforward.
Praise effort and willingness to try, not just success.
Encourage your child to generate their own ideas for solving problems.
Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willetts, Helping Your Child with Fears and Worries
PLACE Network (parent and carer peer support network)
