Book review: When Teens Self-Harm by Monica Parkinson, Kerstin Thirlwall and Lucy Willetts
Written by three accomplished clinical psychologists, this practical book guides the reader through ways of supporting young people who self-harm.
Here, it is reviewed by a Charlie Waller trainer, a parent with lived experience of supporting a young person with mental health issues, and one of our youth ambassadors.
A young person's view
‘When Teens Self-Harm' by Monika Parkinson, Kerstin Thirlwall and Lucy Willetts is a short, accessible guide for parents, teachers and professionals supporting young people who self-harm. At just over 100 pages, it is easy to read and thoughtfully structured, with chapters that can be dipped into individually. This makes it particularly helpful for busy adults who want clear guidance without feeling overwhelmed.
One of the most impactful elements is the way the book opens straight away with a quote from a young person. It is hard-hitting and immediately sets an emotionally honest tone. Rather than beginning with statistics or theory, the authors centre lived experience, grounding the reader in the reality of what self-harm can feel like for a teenager.
Early on, they briefly acknowledge the link between self-harm and suicide, before explaining why the focus of the book remains specifically on self-harm. This feels calm and considered, helping to reduce alarm while still recognising the seriousness of the issue.
From panic to curiosity
Throughout, the book encourages adults to move from panic to curiosity. In Part One, the authors reassure readers that “you are not alone, even GPs are often stumped as to why a young person is doing this...” This line feels validating and realistic. It recognises that confusion is common and gently shifts the emphasis towards understanding the emotions behind the behaviour rather than rushing to fix it. Quotes from young people and short scenarios appear throughout, helping the reader look beneath the surface and reflect on what feelings may be driving self-harm.
Helpful structure
Another real strength is the structure of the book itself. Each chapter ends with a highlighted box summarising key takeaways in bullet points, followed by reflective questions. These sections encourage readers to pause and consider how the ideas apply to their own context, rather than simply reading and moving on. The appendix also includes recommended resources, which feels like a thoughtful addition to anyone wanting to explore the topic further or signpost families to additional support.
Overall, this is a compassionate, practical and genuinely informative read. It feels calm, grounded and equipping, offering reassurance alongside clear and usable guidance for those supporting young people who self-harm.
Holly W, Youth Ambassador
A parent's view
The book starts with a discussion about what self-harm is. Not just a quick list or a dictionary definition but an explanation from a parent’s perspective, which is excellent. When I work with parents, I say “put yourself in their shoes for one minute and think how all that overwhelming stress feels to a young person”, and that’s what this book does.
The book then addresses the ‘elephant in the room’ – suicide – and the fact that self-harm is not a suicide attempt; that’s so important. Self-harm is a way of coping and staying alive and the book sets out why it should not be stopped, except in very severe cases where major harm is a risk. This helps alleviate the fear that self-harm leads to suicide. Equally, the book doesn’t dismiss suicide but gives practical guidance and resources.
Statistics and references
One issue for me, particularly listening to the audio version, was all the referencing in the text, which I found distracting. Maybe a key with footnotes would work better.
I also have a concern about the use of statistics. In Chapter 2, a statistic is given to show that neurodivergent teens seem to be at greater risk of self-harming. It cites a report finding that the incidence of self-harm in hospital emergency departments was three times higher for boys with autism than for neurotypical boys. I think the reality is that girls are just as likely to be admitted so this could be misleading.
Perhaps the authors could have made the point, even if there are not statistics to support it, that we know the same is true for girls, even if autism has not been formally diagnosed.
Responding helpfully
In the section on helpful responding, I liked the emphasis on tone and body language. There are examples of how to respond calmly, with real life scenarios I found useful, particularly because, being neurodivergent, my brain can understand them better.
Self-care, safety and validation
For me, the best chapter is the one on regulating your own emotions and reactions. It’s amazing. Some books cover self-care in one sentence. Here, there’s a whole chapter. I always say to parents, you can't pour from an empty cup – looking after yourself is absolutely vital.
I was very pleasantly surprised that the section on providing a safe home focused on not stopping the young person from self-harm and on being guided by them for alternatives. They also covered the common problem of a parent wanting to fix the situation, and gave great examples of the difference between a fixing conversation and a listening, validating conversation. I thought some of these were a bit artificial, but I understood the meaning behind them and even used them in an actual conversation with my teenage son. It worked!
Key takeaways
Parents don’t always have time to read a whole book, so I liked the key takeaways and reflective questions at the end of each chapter. The final overview offers a brilliant summary, giving parents hope and understanding.
The resources are helpful, and I loved the fact that Charlie Waller Trust was in there! They also signpost to places like the British Psychology Society, where you can find appropriately registered therapists.
One final point: the authors talk about the work they’ve done with children and families and what they learned from these conversations; it would be interesting to know whether there was any actual collaboration in putting the book together. Overall, though, this is the best book on self-harm I’ve read.
Jeanne Blair,
Parent Carer Peer Support (PCPS) Lived Experience Partner
A mental health trainer's view
Overall, I thought this was an excellent book. At just 100 pages and concisely written, it can be read very quickly. It’s aimed at a broad audience – parents, teachers and professionals – but I feel it’s helpfully done when we consider a significant number of teachers and professionals will themselves be parents.
The structure is simple: an introduction to self-harm, helpful responding, providing nurturing environments and practical strategies. Each chapter can be read in isolation, and each one ends with some key takeaways, for example ‘Self-harm is usually a way to manage distressing feelings’, and questions for reflection, for example ‘What difficult feelings do you think your child might be having?’
Given that this book is explicitly about self-harm, I like that it addresses the link between self-harm and suicide in the introduction, and then makes no further mention of suicide and focuses solely on supporting young people who are self-harming.
Managing emotions
From the beginning of the book, there is a strong emphasis on emotion, which aligns with our approach at the Charlie Waller Trust. The authors make clear that in their clinical experience, the common driver for self-harming behaviour is to cope with and manage difficult or overwhelming feelings. They also stress that self-harm will only stop when the young person feels willing and able and they describe how to manage that.
Importantly, the book devotes a whole chapter to the person supporting the young person and how to manage their own emotions. It stresses the importance of self-care (physically, mentally and ‘spiritually’ - by which they mean ways to uplift yourself and find joy) and how modelling good self-care can set a strong example for the young person. It’s this sort of content that makes the book feel practical and equipping.
The book also includes quotes from young people and presents scenarios for consideration, sometimes with two possible ways of dealing with the situation.
Practical advice
Practical advice continues throughout the book. For example, there is a chapter for parents and carers on making home feel a safe space, with some great suggestions on how to do that. Generally, I think the practical suggestions are good. However, within the ‘displacement activities’ section, it suggests ‘have a very hot or cold shower and exfoliate vigorously’. I’m familiar with the cold shower suggestion but I’ve not come across very hot showers or vigorous exfoliation, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable suggesting them as both have potential real harms of their own.
Other than that, I only have two minor criticisms of the book. The first is that although the book was published in 2024, it has some dated references going back more than 10 years. This is frustrating, especially around prevalence of self-harm, as more recent statistics are available. That said, the self-harm overview is relatively brief, and not the primary focus of the book.
Rachel Welch – Mental Health Trainer, Schools and Families
