Exam stress

A guide for parents and carers

This guide is designed to support parents and carers in helping their children manage exam stress and maintain good mental wellbeing. It provides practical advice on how to create a balanced approach to studying, recognise signs of anxiety, and offer encouragement.

Exams in the UK

Most young people in the UK take their most significant exams between Years 10 and 13, depending on their location and the school. Some young people enjoy taking exams while others worry or get stressed and may need help and support.

Young people do better academically at school if they are mentally and physically healthy. Knowing how to deal with situations that might be stressful – like taking exams – equips them with skills vital for long term health and wellbeing, including knowing when to ask for help.

How can I support my child?

Every young person is different and what works for one might not be helpful for another. Here are some things that might be useful:

  • Go to any meetings the school invites you to about exams. These can be a great opportunity to learn more about what will happen, and how you can support your child with exam stree.
  • If you have questions about the exams, ask the teachers and not your child.
  • Support your child to keep on top of their work, but make sure they take time to rest and have fun too.
  • Encourage your child to go outside and not spend too much time on their phone or computer.
  • It's OK to be a little worried about exams but if your child appears stressed or anxious, encourage them to talk to their teacher.
  • Plan something nice and fun for the weekends before, during and after exams – you could invite a friend round, watch a movie or go for a walk. It will help give your child something to look forward to beyond exams.
  • Make sure your child is eating and drinking well and getting enough sleep.

"The most helpful thing my parent/carer did was to offer me space to talk and communicate."

What should I do if I'm worried about my child?

It is normal for your child to worry about exams. There may be more of a problem if you notice changes in their behaviour or mood.

  • Refusing to go to school/college or to engage with studies or revision. Difficulty sleeping.
  • Sudden increase or decrease in appetite.
  • Paying less attention to personal hygiene.
  • Isolating from others.

  • Unusually tearful or angry.
  • Flat, uninterested mood. Expressing hopelessness.
  • Obvious stress and anxiety about unimportant things.
  • Loss of interest in regular hobbies.

 

If you see any of these signs, your child may need some extra support. This is what you can do:

  • Talk to your child’s teachers - it's important that everyone works together to support your child. Ask if they have noticed the same things that are worrying you. You should inform the school if there is anything else going on at home that might be making your child more stressed. 
  • Talk to your child and ask what is worrying them - maybe they are scared of failing their exams or running out of time. You can help your child more if you know exactly what the problem is. 
  • Be positive - don't let them think that you are worried about the exams or worried about them passing. 
  • Encourage your child to talk to their teachers - don't worry if your child prefers talking to their teacher rather than you, it's part of the teacher's job to prepare children for exams.

My child isn’t worried about exams – is that a problem?

Every young person is different and what works for one might not be helpful for another. Here are some things that might be useful:

No, not necessarily. Some young people enjoy taking exams – the build-up, preparation and completion of exams can be an extremely satisfying experience. Exams are usually a long time in coming, so the relief that they are finally approaching can often neutralise any fears or worries.

This can obviously quickly change if your child feels a particular exam hasn’t gone well or they run into difficulties whilst revising. Keep a close eye on how they’re doing but avoid trying to make your child worried in the hope it will make them work harder; it’s counterproductive and won’t help anyone.

If your child appears ambivalent about exams and isn’t engaging in the process, it may also be a symptom of anxiety. By opting out and choosing not to revise, they may appear not to care. However, this is probably a defence mechanism to help them manage impending failure; it’s easier to cope with bad grades if you haven’t tried hard.

In this instance: 

  • Avoid shouting – it’s a waste of time and energy and rarely makes a difference.
  • Don’t remind them of the consequences of not taking exams - because, in reality, exams can usually all be re-taken at a later date.
  • Approach the situation without judgement - it's not necessarily because they're being 'lazy' or not taking exams seriously. They need reassurance and encouragement not nagging and pressure.
  • Contact the school as soon as possible.

Here are three key reminders to help your child maintain a healthy perspective:

  • Remember exams only assess what an individual has learnt. Whilst that’s important, so too are other things like their personality, integrity and how they treat others, none of which will be measured in a standardised exam.
  • Doing their best is enough, and once an exam is done, ask how they feel it went. Don’t keep going over it because it won’t change anything. Say well done and let them move on.
  • Exams can be tough, but they are soon over. Any stress or worry is short term and manageable, and will soon be in the past. Hang on!