Supporting children's transition to secondary school
This resource provides tips for parents and carers whose children are transitioning from primary school to secondary school.
Moving from Year 6 to Year 7: tips to help parents and carers support young people
Here are some tips for parents and carers whose children are starting secondary school. They were provided by parents and carers with lived experience of supporting young people struggling with their mental health.
Remind them they are not alone
Although your child may feel overwhelmed about starting secondary school, every other student in their year is in absolutely the same situation, and there’s a lot of comfort to be taken from that. Remind them they are not alone in this new experience, and whatever they’re feeling will be shared by many others.
Provide some familiarity
So many changes occur at once: a new building, new teachers, new uniform…try and keep some things the same, even just for a few weeks through the initial settling in period. For instance, could your child use an old lunch box, pencil case, coat, skirt or trousers?
“We held on to my daughter’s old, tired shoes from primary school for the first few weeks, and she said they felt like a comfy pair of slippers as she got used to her new uniform, and she didn’t have to contend with the risk of blisters or discomfort on top of everything else.”
“One thing that was suggested by our daughter's psychologist which really helped was spraying my wife's perfume on the cuff of her jumper. Smell is such a primary sense that it helped cut through her anxiety and panic and took her to place of calm, safety and connection with home.”
Check in
How might you check in with your child after school? It could be a quick phone call or text message, someone to meet them at home or a note they can see when they get in.
Reconnecting with home, or with someone they care about and feel safe with, can be grounding and reassuring, even if it’s literally a text message saying hello.
“My child called on day one and has called at the same time almost every day throughout year 7. We generally have the exact same, very brief conversation lasting no more than a minute or so, but it works for them, and I can gauge how their day has really gone by their tone of voice.”
Remind them to be patient
Remind your child to be patient through the transition stage. Everything is new to them, and that can feel overwhelming, but the staff have a whole new intake of students to familiarise themselves with, and that takes time.
If your child has a SEND diagnosis or other physical or mental health needs, the school will know, but it will still take time for everything to fall into place.
The most important thing is that your child feels safe. It may take a number of weeks or months for a child to trust new adults, especially if they have experienced trauma. If this is the case, make staff aware of it; help them understand that it is not personal to them.
"What we did for our daughter was to contact the SENDCO and ask how we could work together to support staff to best understand and support our daughter. For instance, we provided a one-page profile of her for all staff, with examples of self-soothing techniques, ‘how to help me feel safe’, and ‘how to communicate with me".
Give them a packed lunch
If you are able to, consider providing a packed lunch for the first few days or weeks. School canteens can be loud and overstimulating and daunting to navigate initially. A packed lunch with a favourite sandwich can eliminate a lot of stress until your child feels ready to explore what hot food the school has to offer and how the lunch system works.
Help with organisation
Starting secondary school brings with it a whole lot of new information, so look for ways to support your child as they get to grips with admin. Make a note of their new school email address and password and ensure you have downloaded any relevant apps the school may use for setting homework and so on.
Choose appropriate devices with log-in and password details kept safe (maybe a password management system). Some find it helpful to have the school app that tells them about their homework on their phone; others might find that unhelpful and hard to navigate on a small device.
Your child might appreciate you helping them to manage their time and tasks while they settle in.
“I still help my daughter check on her school emails after I realised she had lost all control of her inbox, and I keep an eye on her homework tasks to ensure she hasn’t missed anything.”
Keep boundaries with social media
Social media platforms can be very popular amongst secondary school students; however, many sites have a minimum age of 13.
Whilst you may not be popular in adhering to the recommended age restrictions, they are there for a reason. Being overloaded with messages and being added to busy group chats are rarely helpful. Discourage your child from handing out their number and stick to your guns when it comes to social media – they will thank you in the long run. Don’t share anything you wouldn’t want put on screen at school assembly (about you or someone else).
“I watched a TED talk by a researcher who has some helpful advice on this. Their suggestion was to reach out to a few other parents and carers you know – say, three to five – and suggest you all make the same agreement so your child isn't socially isolated as the only one without social media. They also suggested the group could arrange positive activities for their children to do so they didn't feel they were being 'punished' or missing out.”
Focus on the basics
Positive wellbeing is rooted in the basic things we sometimes overlook, so in the chaos of a new term try to ensure your child is getting plenty of sleep, is eating as well as possible, and spends some time outside away from screens and anything related to school. If you’re able, plan something for the weekend so your child has something to look forward to beyond their first week – it doesn’t have to be anything fancy, the promise of watching a film together or cooking a meal of their choice.
Celebrate positives
The first few weeks or months of secondary school can be tough, but the positive moments will be there, even if you have to dig deep looking for them to begin with. It may be helpful to get into a routine of validating the hard parts of your child’s day and then find one or two good things about it – perhaps something that made them smile or laugh. You could do this at dinner, before bedtime, before going to sleep – whatever works best for your child.
“The first three weeks of Year 7 were incredibly difficult and stressful for my daughter (and me!) but slowly the good things started outweighing the challenges. Before she went to sleep at night, I would ask her to tell me good things about her day. Initially these would be based on the lunch I provided and the fact it didn’t rain, but slowly that changed, and she’d comment on a teacher remembering her name, or getting a question right in maths, or a funny story from break time.”