How to deal with disappointment and rejection

Try to stay with the emotions and work out what exactly you are feeling. Sit with the feelings, no matter how unpleasant. Try to tolerate and process them. This can help start to calm them down. Talk to someone about your feelings or write them down. Go for a walk or listen to some music - whatever works for you. Practice self-compassion or mindfulness. Resist making important decisions or acting on these feelings until you are in a more settled frame of mind. Be patient. This can take time, depending on the nature of the disappointment or rejection.

All too often we take disappointment personally. If the disappointment contains an element of rejection or failure, you might see it as a rejection or failure of you as a complete person. You might blame yourself thinking that if you had been better in some way the outcome might have been different.

Disappointment can crush your self-esteem and confidence. It can trigger shame and embarrassment. Try and see the disappointment as just one tiny part of your life. It should not define who you are. It may feel overwhelming at the moment but that will pass. Not taking things personally can eventually help you gain a broader understanding of yourself, others and how life works.

Are your expectations realistic? Setting expectations too high, or too low, can contribute to the nature of your disappointment. Working through disappointment can help you understand and modify your expectations – of yourself, others and life in general.

• Do you set your expectations too high? You might have set unrealistically high expectations for yourself or life in general. If you have perfectionistic traits, you may need to move away from these and start accepting ‘good enough’.
• Do you set your expectations too low? Do you hold onto beliefs like ‘what’s the point? Things never work out for me?’ Does disappointment seem inevitable? This expectation is not helpful either. You cannot avoid disappointment in life. Trying to avoid it, or approaching situations expecting it, is not helpful in the long run.
• Are your expectations driven by trying to please other people? You might feel bad because you are disappointing or letting someone else down. This might then lead to a fear that they might then reject you. The best thing is to talk to them about it. If this is not possible, talk it through with someone else.

Try and get the disappointment into context. It may feel devastating now. It may feel as if it's going to affect your whole life. But there is a lot more to life than this one disappointment.

You may ask yourself, will this still be a problem in six months' or a year’s time? You may think about previous disappointments and rejections. How did they pan out? Often with the perspective of time you can see that it actually all worked out for the best.

Look at all the other people who have also experienced disappointment and rejection. They have survived. Don’t forget that for every job you apply for there will be many more disappointed applicants than the one who is successful.

Don’t be disheartened. Take time to think about what you really want. Review your expectations. Try a different approach. Take disappointment in your stride. Learning how to manage it well will give you greater insight into yourself and others. It will help you become more resilient. These are great skills to take with you in life.

If you find it hard to move on, talk to someone to help re-evaluate and see beyond the current situation. This is especially important if you are experiencing mental health difficulties and the disappointment is especially hard to cope with.