Coping with self-harm: a guide for parents and carers 

It is normal for parents to experience strong emotions when coming to terms with a child’s self-harming. This is a difficult and unsettling time and it is important that you look after yourself as well as your child.

Recovery from self-harm may be a long process, so try to attend to your own needs by finding time for relaxation and reflection.

Pay attention to physical signs

Be mindful of your own body and watchful for physical signs of stress, such as stomach aches, difficulty sleeping or depression.

Take time for yourself when you are upset and working through challenging emotions. Be intentional and do things that you enjoy, such as going out with friends, regular exercise, reading or practicing hobbies. Look for positive distractions to focus your mind and energies elsewhere.

Learn to accept your own feelings

Identify the emotions that you are experiencing and be honest with yourself. It may help to write these down in a journal or notebook. Find an outlet for your emotions, such as talking to a trusted friend, relative or therapist.

You may also find other emotions coming out as anger - this is natural and understandable, but be careful that your child does not think this is directed at them.

Don’t worry about less important tasks

Give yourself permission to relax and take time out for yourself: only do things that really need doing and don’t worry about less important tasks. Take time off work if you are able, and accept help from family and friends.

Keep communicating with your child

While looking after yourself, keep having conversations with your child in the most comfortable way for you both. Your child may remember what you say even if they don’t seem to be listening at the time, and may take your advice and talk to you later.

Don’t give up

Trying to help your child may sometimes be very frustrating. However, when they push you away is often when they need you the most. Remember, most young people who self-harm will stop sooner or later.

Don’t give up. There is help out there. - Healthtalk.org parent interview

Healthtalk.org parent interview

This content has been adapted from “Coping with self-harm, a Guide for Parents and Carers, produced by  University of Oxford Centre for Suicide Research in association with:

Young Minds

Royal College of Nursing

Royal College of Psychiatrists

Royal College of General Practitioners

and funded by the National Institute for Health Research