Starting university

This is the time to break free from home. You may have struggled with your home life in the past, had poor relationships with your parents, or you may have been a carer. University is an opportunity to create a path for yourself - and breathe.

A change of scenery can make a big difference, but if you’ve experienced family problems in the past, these won’t necessarily go away.

If you need to talk, most universities have a wellbeing team or counselling service who can support you and help address your problems. Don’t ignore your feelings: process these difficulties to keep your head clearer for study and personal growth.

If you have been a carer, you may find yourself torn between your caring role and the new independence that you’ve been craving. Share these concerns, either with academic staff or the wellbeing team. You are not alone in these experiences.

The thought of leaving home can be scary - especially if you have a supportive and loving family and a great network of friends.

You may worry that losing this network will be hard. You might be scared of being homesick. It may be that your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to uni somewhere else and you’re worried about your relationship.

Before you leave, it’s helpful to decide how little or often you will be in touch with friends and family - and tell them. A daily or weekly text or video call to your parents to let them know you are safe or letting your friends know you’re thinking of them with a quick message, can make a real difference.

Being homesick is perfectly normal. It may happen immediately or a few weeks in, but it should pass as you adjust to your new surroundings. Remember that it’s always important to ask for support and to talk to friends or family if you are struggling with your feelings.

Long-distance can be hard on relationships, but many do last. As long as you have trust and speak honestly and openly to one another, and as long as you allow yourself and your partner space to enjoy what is happening, things can be OK.

If the relationship breaks down, it can be very painful - especially if you are away from the home life that you’re used to. But if you have other support and people to talk to, things can and will get better. If you’re finding it hard to cope, seek counselling or wellbeing support from your university: there will be others who have experienced these same feelings and can relate to what you are going through.

The prospect of meeting new people might be really exciting. You may be thrilled at the chance to learn about other ways of life and have new experiences. Try not to exhaust yourself socially at the beginning though. You can’t do everything and meet everyone, and while it’s important to be sociable, don’t feel obliged to keep up a whirlwind pace. Some of the best friendships are made over time. They don’t always happen overnight.

You may be socially anxious, wary of meeting new people and making conversation. You may also be worried about how you think you’ll be perceived by others.

Getting to know other students in your accommodation can be a helpful place to start - asking questions about where they are from, what they are studying and their interests to see if you can find any common ground. Offering cups of tea and biscuits helps, and if you bake then you’ll be popular if you share the results!

Always try to be yourself and comfortable with who you are. If you are not true to yourself, it will be harder to make the right friends and find the support you’ll need in the long run. If you find yourself scared to leave your room or go into your kitchen, that’s completely normal. Remember to tell yourself: this is your home and you need to feel safe and comfortable in it.

Be polite, open to conversation and confident when cooking and preparing food, and this will encourage others to talk to you in shared spaces.

If you’re struggling to make friends and feel lonely, don’t become a recluse, locked in your room. This won’t help and these feelings should pass if you work at it. Ask your wellbeing team for advice and guidance if you need to.

You may be excited about getting to know a new town or city. It’s an adventure. When setting off exploring, make sure you take necessary precautions, keeping valuables out of sight, and see if you can find a city map (you can’t always rely on having a phone signal). By practicing personal safety with your belongings when you’re out and about and being cautious, you can enjoy the experience and have fun discovering new things to see and do.

You may be worried that something bad might happen if you go out - that you’ll get lost, feel unsafe or not be able to use the public transport. Most of this anxiety can be reduced by planning. It can be helpful to explore with a new friend to begin with, and maybe let people know you are going out too. Look after your belongings and yourself when you’re out, but also try and enjoy exploring your new environment. It can be helpful to practice a mantra before you leave the house each time - “have I got my keys/phone/money.” If you are really anxious, keep a small list of phone numbers on you that you can always call for help if you were to ever lose your keys or money.

It can be very exciting to make your own decisions - to live off takeaways, leave your room in a mess, and to do what you feel like doing rather than what you should be doing. Yet if you don’t look after your physical wellbeing, you may struggle with your academic demands and your mental health may suffer too.

Also, it’s worth remembering that you’re paying a lot for your course, so missing university classes or lectures makes little sense: it’ll only be you who loses out in the long run. While first year doesn’t always count towards your final result, it’s here that you build a foundation and you also need to pass at the very least.

Some employers may later ask you about your first year experience and learnings, and it can also knock your confidence if you don’t do well.

It can be hard to trust your judgement and make good decisions when you’re frightened of getting everything wrong. It’s tricky to strike a healthy balance between sleep, food and finances. In order to learn to make decisions, you have to practice making decisions. Getting things wrong is not the end of the world and you’ll know what to do right next time. Constantly eating ready meals is not ideal for your health (not every day, at least), so think about learning some simple recipes - there are plenty of free YouTube tutorials.

 Cooking can be a great ice breaker in shared accommodation and a way to get to know others, and if it ends up in a culinary disaster, that’s just part of the fun of student life. Washing machines aren’t complicated, and the internet is great for finding things out - you don’t always have to phone home every time you need to know how to do something. It can also be helpful to get advice from others if you need to make a big financial outlay such as buying some new technology; asking for the opinions of others is sensible and something we should continue to do throughout our lives.

New people are exciting. Meeting and getting to know each other will enhance your university experience. Meeting new people is enriching; relationships built in the early days of university can last a lifetime. Remember though that you won’t get on with everyone and not everyone will get on with you. That’s ok.

It’s normal to worry about learning to live with new people - sharing a toilet and kitchen with people you don’t know takes some getting used to! If you are ‘toilet shy’ then play your music while you’re in there and invest in some eco-friendly air freshener; try and make a joke and put you and your housemates at ease.

Feeling uncomfortable going into the kitchen can have repercussions on your wellbeing. If you are too nervous to cook properly, you won’t eat well and your health will suffer. Just say hello to others, check the cooker is free and then get on with preparing your meal. It’s worth remembering that not everyone has good hygiene standards. 

Do your own dishes and wipe down surfaces after yourself: this may encourage your housemates to do the same. Poor hygiene and messiness can become a major source of irritation and can turn into passive-aggressive messages in the inevitable group chat. If it gets too much, speak to your warden or accommodation office. 

Parties are a big part of student life. Even if you hate the idea, you should attend parties to meet others: you can stay for as long or as little as you need. Have a plan of who you can talk to, and how you will get away if you start to feel overwhelmed. People-watching can be a helpful strategy, as can playing on your phone for a bit if you feel nervous. Try to avoid drinking too much to alleviate your anxiety; it may leave you feeling regret and down the next day.

You’re excited to be focusing on something that you love and can’t wait to expand your knowledge and specialise. Your course might match your expectations and you’ll be stretched and enthusiastic throughout your degree, which can be an amazing experience. Realistically, however, there are likely to be modules that are disappointing or lecturers who are not very interesting. Look at the bigger picture and see if you can change modules if they’re not the right ‘fit’ for you and not essential to you. It’s likely that things you found easy before will be harder at degree level. You may find yourself competing with people who are better at some things than you. Don’t let this undermine your own abilities. Try not to judge yourself against others.

You’re worried that you are not good enough and everyone else is better than you. You’re not sure you’ve picked the right course or you may already be thinking of changing university. The thought of deadlines and presentations makes you feel incredibly anxious, and you worry that you will have so much work to do that you will have to work 18 hours a day. In reality, you’ve been awarded your place at uni because you are good enough.

You’re an individual with your own unique strengths. If you’re having serious doubts about your course, discuss them with your academic advisor or tutor and explore options. Sometimes it just takes a few weeks to adjust to new ways of working and different teaching styles. If you are set on moving university, it’s not impossible: do your research, consult with departments from your current and prospective uni and speak to student finance. 

Get as much information as you can - and discuss it with your friends and family - before you make your final decision. The workload will likely be more than you are used to. First year is the time to adapt to a new style of learning.

Always speak to your academic advisor if you’re struggling with deadlines and ask for support - they can help you manage things, and it’s much better to be open than letting problems build up. Remember: your university wants you to succeed, so ask for help.

Don’t work 18 hours a day: take time to rest, eat, exercise and socialise. Work out a routine that allows you to stay well and look after your wellbeing.

This is the chance for you to try many new things and meet new people. You can’t wait to go to freshers week, attend all the parties, see all the live music that you can and sign up for every sports team and society possible.

While it’s great to experience all that uni has to offer, you don’t have to do it all in the first week. Pace yourself for the long run. Be realistic about your time and finances.

University sports can be highly competitive, which you may enjoy - yet you don’t have to be first in everything and can just join to have fun. Sport is great for your wellbeing and for making friends.

You’re unsure about which societies are right. You are terrified of making a fool of yourself, and worried that you will feel like an outsider. Before you go to the freshers fair, it can be helpful to look online at the societies on offer and choose those that appeal to you. Advance planning will combat feelings of being overwhelmed by the choice, crowds and noise. Think about what you want to ask before you go. Sport is a great way to stay fit and meet others - physical activity also improves mental health. Don’t be put off by the competitive nature of sports; try to have fun and just enjoy it. Remember that everyone starts off not knowing anyone; you’re not alone in these feelings. It’s ok to be quiet and an introvert; you can overcome shyness by trying new groups that interest you and making friends around shared interests. This could lead to many happy memories in the future.

It’s exciting going out every night, having fun and tempting to live the ‘wild life’ - but if you don’t learn some balance, it can be expensive and damaging to your health and wellbeing. You may enjoy getting drunk but end up making choices you later regret; try to pace yourself and don’t go out alone if you’ll be vulnerable. Sexual freedom can be liberating but be aware of consent and what it means - being too drunk to consent means no consent. Practice safe sex and if you are worried about sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy, seek help as soon as possible. It’s easy to assume that everyone does drugs at uni and it’s just a bit of fun: remember that drugs are illegal and you may lose your university place if you bring any onto campus. If you have taken drugs and think you are becoming addicted, seek help. Splashing your cash can be very tempting in the first few weeks, especially if you’re not used to having money. But try and make it last: money worries can cause stress, anxiety and depression.

There are plenty of opportunities to enjoy quieter activities at university if you’re worried that people will judge you for not joining in with loud games and parties. Seek out like-minded people to enjoy quieter times with; remember that anyone who judges you for this is not being very kind. Peer pressure can be a problem at university, but try and stay true to who you are. If you don’t want to party, drink or take drugs, then have the courage to say no. Choosing your friends wisely can make a big difference. If you feel pressured into sexual activity, this can be harassment and you are entitled to make a complaint about it. Forcing you to have sex, or having sex with you when you are not able to give consent, is sexual assault and should be reported to the university and the police immediately. Your university will also have support services to help you if this happens.

It’s natural to look forward to finding a partner, or several partners, without being under scrutiny from family or friends that you’ve known your whole life. Dating can be very interesting at this age - it can sometimes be an opportunity to explore your sexuality away from possible family judgement. Practice safe sex if you are sexually active and always remember consent. If you can be yourself, you have a better chance of finding the right partner. With luck, things will fall into place over time.

You may be worried about finding a partner, or concerned about being expected to move too quickly into a sexual relationship. You may equally be concerned about maintaining an existing long-distance relationship or wanting to break up to experience uni life fully. If you haven’t had a partner before university, it could be that you’re hoping that this will present new opportunities for you.

If you’re shy, take advantage of chances to be sociable that you feel comfortable with. If a relationship begins, move at your own pace sexually and don’t assume you have to have sex if you are not ready (remember consent). If you’re in a relationship already, keeping it going long distance can be hard but it’s not impossible. Stay in contact but allow each other space at the same time to grow and enjoy the new experiences.

Your relationship will be stronger in the long run if you do this. Should your relationship break up, seek support from friends or possibly counselling if you are really struggling with the loss: don’t bottle up your emotions. Perhaps you found someone else and feel guilty for ending the relationship: this is all normal yet there are always emotional consequences to remember and consider. And, of course, you may not want a relationship at the moment at all - that’s your choice and no one else’s. There is no pressure for you to conform.

This is the chance for a fresh start. You may feel that you’ve had mental health challenges at school and college, but that everything will be fine at university - you will cope with everything and still have room to party! If you’ve had a difficult time at home, university offers some space and personal responsibility. However, your past will still be there and can affect the choices you make. This might be your chance to seek support for past issues - your university may have an advice service that can help you explore your experiences. While you may cope brilliantly, mental health problems don’t usually disappear overnight. Try to be self-aware and notice when you’re dipping. Seek support and find out who to speak to if you need help.

You’ve had past issues with anxiety, depression or other mental health problems but don’t want anyone to judge you or avoid you. You struggle to cope day to day now; thinking about all the extra things you have to cope with is terrifying. Everyone else will be having a great time and you will be alone, feeling unhappy. These are all valid thoughts; after all, starting university can be an unsettling time. If you have suffered with mental health problems in the past, you may find it worse at uni without your usual support systems in place. Yet mental health services will be available at your university and in your local town, so don’t ignore your problems. Help can be more effective if you access it before you become completely overwhelmed. It may be that your home life was difficult - maybe you were a carer or have a parent with alcohol dependency or their own mental health problems. Remember that you have the right to a life too; you shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying your time at university. You’ve earned this experience.

If you’ve found yourself pigeon-holed at school or college, university can be a chance to break out and explore who you are. Experimenting is fun and good, but try to be true to yourself: you’ll make better friends in the long run if you’re authentic. Recognise that making mistakes is an important part of personal development and nothing to be ashamed of; we’ve all made bad decisions in the past and it’s just part of being human. Try and stay in contact with people you love, and also accept that it’s ok and normal to feel sad that you are not physically with them or miss them. Plan a level of ongoing contact that feels right for you - allowing you to keep close connections while also enjoying university.

Liking yourself is the starting point to better relationships. Being more compassionate with yourself can help. Notice if you’re being overly critical in the language you use to yourself - would you speak to a friend like that? Be more forgiving and accepting of who are you, even if things go wrong sometimes.

Owning your mistakes is an important part of personal development; finding solutions increases your own growth and gives you life skills. Seek help if you need it. Don’t isolate yourself. It will be ok. Missing people you love is normal, yet there are many ways to stay in touch - texts, emails, FaceTime - all offering contact when not physically together.

If you see that friends and family are having a great time on social media, just remember that we only tend to share the positives about our lives: it’s not always a true reflection and doesn’t mean that they’re not missing you too.

Planning to go home every weekend might seem like a good idea, but it may also alienate you from others at uni and get in the way of you making new friends and having shared experiences. Try and make the most of your time at university: it won’t last forever.