Men and eating disorders: a personal story

Harry Nye and his mum Jacquie have set up a very personal podcast to help break the silence around men and eating disorders. With brutal honesty, they explore Harry’s 10-year struggle with anorexia and the impact it has had on their family, and show that recovery is possible.

Jacquie says: “We’re not clinicians or eating disorder specialists, but we want to help others in our position understand the complexities of an eating disorder, in order to encourage others to seek intervention as early as possible.”

Jacquie wishes she had understood more about eating disorders and the importance of early intervention. It was only in 2024 that she and her husband came across Charlie Waller’s New Maudsley Approach workshops, which can be a lifeline for parents and carers who are supporting a loved one with an eating disorder.

I cannot stress enough what a phenomenal resource these are. Through the workshops, we’ve come to understand how the eating disorder was out of Harry’s control

She says: “I cannot stress enough what a phenomenal resource these are. Through the workshops, we’ve come to understand how the eating disorder was out of Harry’s control, that what was going on neurologically as a result of him starving himself was dictating his behaviours. 

“It’s heartbreaking that we didn’t know this, and didn’t get Harry help sooner.”

Early adolescence

Looking back to his early adolescence, Harry remembers being bullied about his weight but that he got compliments when he started working out at the gym. He reflects: “Connections were being made in my brain that my self-worth and validation were all about my physique.”

At 16, two things took place that caused the eating disorder to take root: a throwaway disparaging comment from a friend when Harry took his top off and, some time after, he split up with his girlfriend, leading to isolation from his friends.

Jacquie says: “He started to hyper-fixate on what he could control – exercise and 'clean' eating.” He began by excluding some foods, studying food packets for their calorie content and, unbeknownst to his parents, exercising at all times of day and night. He describes the eating disorder as a voice in his head and, as it began to take control, his behaviour became more extreme. 

“Harry took over the kitchen," says Jacquie. "He had ‘his’ shelf in the fridge, ‘his’ cupboard, ‘his’ utensils’, so fearful was he that calories from our food might somehow transfer to his.”

Tipping point

The tipping point was when Harry went for a check-up with his GP, who phoned Jacquie afterwards to explain that Harry’s blood sugar levels were so low that his organs could shut down at any moment. “Suddenly it was very real for us as his parents,” says Jacquie, “but when I spoke with Harry, he got very angry and said there was nothing wrong.”

Harry attended counselling as an outpatient through the NHS and his weight continued to fluctuate over the next few years. “He was signed off each time he reached the ‘magic number’”, Jacquie says, “but psychologically he needed help.

We didn’t understand why he was relapsing until we attended the New Maudsley workshops.

He needed coping mechanisms because his brain couldn’t keep up with the changes that were happening to his body, and that’s why there were so many relapses. But we didn’t understand why he was relapsing until we attended the New Maudsley workshops.”

It got to the point where Harry thought about suicide. He says: “The eating disorder was such a horrible ‘person’ that not even I wanted it in my life anymore and I [began to feel I] had to abolish it by taking myself with it.”

In May 2024, Harry was admitted to an eating disorder unit, the first and only male in-patient at St Ann's ED facility in Poole, which he found particularly hard. 

Early stages of recovery

He’s now in the early stages of recovery and would describe himself as “no longer an anorexic but still recovering from an eating disorder”. He’s putting on weight, he’s feeling happier, but there are still good and bad days, and the family still experiences conflict.

Jacquie signed up to the New Maudsley workshops when he came out of hospital. She says: “We’ve learnt to acknowledge all the amazing things he’s doing, as well as be there to check up on him and soothe his anxieties. And I’ve learnt to reflect on how I’ve handled some things and how I could handle them differently.”

I’ve learnt to reflect on how I’ve handled some things and how I could handle them differently.

Harry can see the difference attending the workshops has made to his parents: “The New Maudsley workshops have been pivotal in helping them learn how to approach and manage me in recovery.”

You can follow Harry's personal recovery story on his weekly podcast 'Why Weight to Change?' available on all major podcast platforms including Spotify and Apple Podcasts.