Anxiety: Rosie's story

In a Mental Health Foundation survey last year, nearly all respondents aged 18 – 24 had felt anxious in the previous two weeks. For over half, this had stopped them undertaking day-to-day activities.

Clearly, this is a significant issue but what does anxiety look and feel like for those who experience it? Obviously, it will be different for each person, but we are grateful to Rosie for sharing her particular experience. We hope it will help young people whose lives are affected by anxiety.

For Rosie, as with many people, anxiety manifested quite early in life. She says:

“With hindsight, I’ve always been an anxious person. As a young person, I worried about so much.

“But it was in 2019 when I had just passed my driving test - after learning on and off for nine years - when I first noticed something wasn’t right.

"I became anxious about driving to a new place or new driving conditions such as heavy rain or blindingly sunny weather. Due to my back pain, I was also anxious about things like being able to park close enough to work or wherever I was going.

“It wasn’t until my manager and close colleagues said I might have anxiety and how CBT might help, that I realised they might be onto something.

"And then the pandemic came."

During Covid, I started developing what I call ‘irrational anxieties’, in addition to increased anxiety at work.

More intense anxiety

As for many others, the pandemic impacted Rosie's anxiety:

"During Covid, I started developing what I call ‘irrational anxieties’, in addition to increased anxiety at work.

“For instance, if my partner went out on a bike ride, I was convinced something would happen to him. The vision I’d always have is that he’d be hit by a car and found lying in a ditch by the side of the road. 

"To avoid the anxiety, fear and upset from building up whilst he was out, I’d ask him to tell me where he was cycling to and how long he expected to be before he left. If he had been gone significantly longer than expected, that was the point where I felt it was OK to call him and check he was OK.

"I thought we’d found a way to manage it that we were both comfortable with, but it got to the point where, to protect and help me, he didn’t want to go out.”

When Rosie’s irrational anxieties felt a little too unbearable and unmanageable, she sought help. It wasn’t until she was sitting in an armchair of a floor-to-ceiling pale blue coloured box room looking deep into the eyes of her counsellor, she says, that she realised the true depth of her anxiety.

“I honestly booked in to meet this counsellor with the intention of dealing with my ‘irrational anxieties’, but in the year and a half of seeing her, we only really spoke about my anxieties around work and my personal life.”

Anxiety about work

For some people, work can help protect mental health, giving them structure, meaning and positive relationships. It can also be a source of anxiety. Sometimes it can be a mixture of both.

Like many of us, Rosie has a complex relationship with work. She says: “Work is often the focus of my anxiety now. I’ve had bad experiences in more workplaces than I care to count, which has fuelled my anxiety.

“A particularly bad and anxiety-inducing workplace came in 2020, which - surprisingly at the time, but not so surprisingly with hindsight - is what I ended up talking about most in my counselling sessions.”

I had been holding myself to these standards for such a long time, and through counselling I’ve come to realise it wasn’t right for me – or for the modern world!

Talking about her work situation at the time with her counsellor made Rosie realise that a lot of her anxiety comes from outdated views of work passed on to her by others, which has manifested in different ways.

She explains: “I had been holding myself to these standards for such a long time, and through counselling I’ve come to realise it wasn’t right for me – or for the modern world!”

As a result, Rosie has anxieties around some specific aspects of work which many people can probably relate to:

“I get very anxious about asking for what I need, for example a new chair. It feels like a big thing in my head, I feel like a burden, and I struggle to know where the line is; am I asking for too much?”

She adds: “I also have anxiety about getting into trouble or doing things wrong.”

Post-pandemic

“In the aftermath of the pandemic when life started going back to normal, the irrational anxieties began coming out in different ways.

"I didn’t understand where it came from, and it began to get more intense as I experienced more of life and - thinking about it - watching silly or random videos on social media.”

When life started going back to normal, the irrational anxieties began coming out in different ways.

“At the theatre I was afraid the rigging would fall. In the cinema, I’m afraid there will be a gunman. The thoughts of flying abroad were also making me anxious, what with a plane being able to nosedive to the ground.

“I also had anxieties around my partner and family dying in circumstances so unusual that they were far beyond reality, but I guess that’s just anxiety in all its purest forms.”

Day-to-day impact

Rosie has developed ways of dealing with these irrational anxieties, as she explains:

“The irrational anxieties like those around flying, theatre and cinema, don’t impact me except in the moment. In the theatre I’m okay once the show has started, so I don’t get there too early. If we’re there for a long time before the start, my partner pulls up pictures of dogs, which helps calm and distract me.

“If I’m anxious in the cinema, I often can’t turn to my partner because he’s watching the film. I’m left alone with my thoughts and have to try and get back into the film. He says, ‘We have gun control, the chances are very, very low’. I know he’s right but it’s good to remind myself of the facts.

"Whenever we fly, it’s important for me to pre-select and download films that I can watch that are not set in New York. Any film set in New York – regardless of year – can sometimes make me think about 9/11 if my mind has a down moment, which then causes a spiral effect of any anxiety I have around flying to come out.”

She adds:

“The funny thing about these irrational anxieties is that they’re all about the things I love most; I love going to the theatre and cinema and, believe it or not, I also love flying. And that’s why it was so important for me to see a counsellor – to work on these anxieties so they don’t become a barrier to me enjoying my favourite things.”

It was so important for me to see a counsellor – to work on these anxieties so they don’t become a barrier to me enjoying my favourite things.”

Rosie’s increased confidence in driving, along with support from her partner, also means that she is less anxious in this area too:

“With my anxiety a bit more under control, I tend to go through waves of being OK with driving! Though if I’m feeling negative or anxious about other things, I can get anxious about it again – but it’s important to say that driving isn’t the thing I’m anxious about in these situations.”

I’m now at a point where I understand my anxiety and know how it impacts my life. I’m getting to a stage where I recognise when I’m getting anxious and, in a lot of situations, I know what I need to do.

Understanding anxiety

“Counselling has helped me to ‘unpack’ a lot of things. I’m now at a point where I understand my anxiety and know how it impacts my life. I’m getting to a stage where I recognise when I’m getting anxious and, in a lot of situations, I know what I need to do, i.e. not leave things to fester.

“I’m more confident now to do something about a situation; I have more knowledge of myself. Acknowledging I am an anxious person comes with a lot of benefits. Counselling has helped me have a level of understanding which helps me cope better with my anxiety. Of course, the anxiety will never completely disappear, but having the self-awareness makes it easier to manage.”

Counselling also helped Rosie recognise that she needed to find a workplace with a positive approach to mental health:

“My confidence bar was really low. I needed to find a workplace that is concerned about wellbeing.”

We’re delighted that, not only has Rosie found a workplace with mental health and wellbeing at its heart, but she is also willing to tell others about her experience, in the hope that it might assist them in their own journey. She says: “I saw others had shared their stories on the Charlie Waller blog and I’m happy to share too – if my experiences can help someone else, why not?”